Yesterday was Sunday. @daninreallife was out of town, speaking at a men's retreat in Prescott. I was supposed to play keys in the worship band at Harvest. Then I halfway planned to have lunch with friends. Then I imagined we'd hang out with Joshua and Alyssa at some point. Then I'd make dinner for everyone after @daninreallife returned home. Well, as you can probably guess, things didn't turn out the way I planned (do they ever?)
Steven, my 16 yr old son, was involved in a serious car accident Saturday night on his way home from work. He walked away from it shaken up but without a scratch or bruise. Too many details to share here, but just believe me when I say I was equally shaken up when I drove up to the scene - pouring down rain, fierce wind, flashing lights, traffic backed way up, fire truck, ambulance, 4 highway patrol cars. One of the officers said Steven was lucky to be alive. The car was towed away to an impound yard 'til our insurance company can give it a once-over. I tried to empty it out a little bit while it was still on the side of the road before it was towed, but I could only grab a few things before it went away. Last night Steven realized he left a textbook in the car. That meant I'd have the not-so-great job of finding the impound yard and having to see the damaged car up close. My oldest son, Michael, drove me there. I took one look at the car and it nearly took my breath away - Steven isn't lucky to be alive - Steven is alive for no reason except for grace, God's life-giving grace!
As you can imagine, I didn't get much sleep on Saturday night. I slept fully clothed with all the lights in the house on. I spent every waking minute praying through the horror and praising God for His grace and goodness and kindness and mercy. By daybreak, I was completely spent, but also completely at peace. I found myself wanting and actually desperately needing to express my thankfulness to God in a tangible way. I decided to attend an evening church service at a church I don't normally attend. I couldn't wait to lift my hands and voice with complete abandon and joy and gratefulness and love and, well, I've gotta say the band delivered on some powerful praise and worship [... **Our God Is Greater (if you haven't heard this song, buy it now, put it on "repeat" and sing it at top volume until you are hoarse or until you really believe it and can't forget it), How Great Thou Art, I'll Stand...]. My heart was right and open and vulnerable and teachable and praising and giving and receiving. And the Holy Spirit, my Comforter and companion all night long, had softened my heart, convicted me, renewed my hope. He drew me in closely, intimately and I lifted up my humble offering of worship freely so that God would be glorified and magnified and exalted.
Hmmmm, isn't that the way it could always be? You know, if I lived my everyday life in the raw tension of desperation and expectation? Desperation matters. It really does. It sends me to my knees. It forces my eyes upward instead of inward. It keeps me broken, diffuses my haughtiness, reminds me to be kind and gentle. Desperation leads to utter dependence on God. It leads to a relationship worth living for. It leads to a relationship worth dying to self for.
Desperation matters to me. Does it matter to you?
**Our God Is Greater lyrics click HERE